This labyrinth is as manic as English weather, high end marketplaces merging with grimy industrial zones. If one is not careful, he is liable to lose his mind, soul and his own savings in less than a year. I'm here to share with you the underlying craziness of the city, overlooked by newcomers and tourists alike. I survived 4 years in this Wonderscouserland, and there is so much more forbidden knowledge that I've either dared not to delve too deeply into, or that I was too drunk or ignorant to notice.
Here is a map with horribly drawn notes of what you can expect probably cover more in future posts. These are rough generalizations, except for that park place; I did get mugged there, lost all of 50p and a disposable phone. (Most excitement I ever had since taking MDMA for the first time.)
No More Room in Hell (aka Smithdown Road) - Arguably one of the reasons why Liverpool held the title of 'Capital of Culture' back in 2008, English, Polish, Czech, Chinese, Bangaldeshi, no matter what what your race, creed or profession; this street is a home to all. I lived here in assorted locations and seen many faces, all with a story to tell, all with aspirations in one form or another, usually in the form of money, power, fame, a better life, that kind of deal. Students, shopkeepers, pissheads, window cleaners, agriculturalists, drug dealers, a rogue's gallery spanning for at least 5 miles long.
For your own sake, keep your bike locked down. As well as your house. And yourself. People aren't lost here, they're stolen. I don't mean through human trafficking, I mean this place will literally take you and keep you there in the same way that your mates take you to night clubs and never want you to leave their side.
Interesting fact: This very place has been programmed into a map for the game 'No More Room in Hell', the name of the map being 'Toxteth'. Many will laughably argue that Smithdown Road isn't actually in Toxteth, simply because 'True Tocky' is a much more worse hellhole. The reasoning is that 'Smithdown Road isn't really that shit as the Toxteth area, so it can't be in Toxteth' ...that or it's located much closer to Wavertree. Either explanation fits.
Liverpool One - A beautiful grey scab of high end shopping, fancy dining, Nike trainers and free samples of perfume; it was the brain-child and multi-million commerce project by a company by the name of Grovesner. Can't remember much what this place was before the renovation, I can only assume it was some concrete desert. I'm sure some locals will fill you in on that piece of info. The odd thing about this place is how it seems to stick out and apart from Liverpool Proper, if you check out the streets that surround it, you'll see what I mean. It meshes well with the docks, design speaking.
Key points of interest would be the ODEON, the huge cinema situated within the food court; along with Chavasse Park and the various hotels that surround it. Then there is the two-story market, interconnected with escalators and fancy bridges. If you got money to blow, it has everything you need in terms of fashion, media and sex toys. Probably the best argument of capitalism. Counter-argument? Charm, charity shops and your own two pockets. God help you if you have family and when Christmas is closing in.
Bold Street - This is a place worth visiting at least bi-weekly; maybe for a gander for new reading material, a restaurant to eat at or just to check out what's going on in the Bombed Out Church.
The Bombed Out Church (or St. Luke's Church, if you wanna get all maiden name) is this particular church which survived a shelling during the Liverpool Blitz; though the roof is nonexistent and the stained glass has the blasted out, the building still stands today, unchanged and revered as a part of Liverpudlian heritage. That and it is the of the embodiment of 'Hard as a MoFo', which resonates with a few, a bloody bomb couldn't knock it down. Hence could be why there have been petitions to keep the building as is. I digress, it's also being used as a venue to host community projects, yoga classes, music gigs, noir film nights, you name it. Plus has these little tire drum things which you can hit as gongs too, so yeah, worth a visit.
Then there is the News Of Nowhere, a particular bookstore I often visit to check out for new titles. All the reading material there is pretty awesome, ranging from stuff like documentaries of Jimmy Hendrix to Banksy, environmentally and culturally minded literature along with fantastic, lesser read drama and fiction. Any place that stocks 'Notes of A Defeatist' and 'Mr.Nice' is a thumbs up in my book. Plus, browsing and reading is allowed, just drop in 50p and you can help yourself cups of tea and all the free cheeky reading you want. Just beside it is the offices of Nerve Radio, which I'll delve into in more detail in another blog post.
At night, it's a different story though; prepare for things to get messy, sloppy and rekt. The surrounding streets house a slough of nightclubs, with the punters pouring in and out between trips to the cash machine and back.
Probably the best place for 'Night Life' antics, that is, if you're not some weak mortal and can handle what passes for night life in Liverpool. GET DRUNK, GET DIZZY!
My favourite drinking hole would be 'Django Riff', a quiet chill place tucked away beside the infamous Krazy House which does 2 for 1 cocktails and film nights every Wednesday. It's 4 feet under the ground and sells popcorn just for the occasion. What other bar that let's you get shitfaced and watch 'Wolf Of Wall Street', and does fucking popcorn to boot?!
The Docks - This is the place where most of the tourists make a beeline for, and honestly, I can't blame them. It's a beautiful place steeped in history, and was the sole venue of commerce for Liverpool, way back since the time it was a shitty little marsh where slaves were sold and where Liver Birds strutted around and gave zero fucks.
Hence the name, Pool meaning marsh, and Liver being the Liver birds.
First port of call would be the Tate Museum, it houses a few pieces such as Salvadore Dali's lobster phone, sculptures, other pieces I can't remember and some sort of art piece you can walk on. Plus monthly it hosts exhibitions which can be hit or miss. Could get all the works of Gustav Klimt, or some stupid modern art piece about people vomiting. Then there are two museums, the International Slavery Museum which gives you the dark insight of Liverpool's Slave Trade and the Maritime Museum which delves into all things relating to boats, shaped like the Titanic too. Furthermore, it is where the Echo Arena is located, used for big shows with big names.
Then there is the Spice Lounge if you want a place to eat beside the dock, probably the best Indian resturant when it comes to quality and affordability. Lemme explain, they don't give you a shitty fish curry, they give you a whole curried fish with all the trimmings. We're talking 5 star posh with champagne and all that jazz which you don't have to pay through the nose for. Think they won some accolades with TripAdvisor and British Curry Association. (Tell them that Josh sent you, for every customer I get in there, I get a free drink. I also shot a student film in there, shit was cash. Mind you, the manager always complains about my supposed 'alcoholism', but hey, booze and multimedia go hand in hand.)
Kensington - I don't know much about this place. Everything I know comes from second hand accounts and infrequent visits. Usually something on the lines of 'Don't go to Kenny', 'Dem bitches got disease dere', 'Come to my rehab accom so we can chill and smoke weed', 'Oh shit, I read in the news someone died there' and my favorite one 'Come to Kenny Josh, I've got some coke to deal and mates to meet, we'll catch up'.
Toxeth - 'Tocky la', that's all you need to know. That and there is a studio there called Toxeth TV; I'm not entirely sure if they produce television, it's more like a quaint community centre, often delivering media-based courses and dance classes. Has this cute little cafe in there as well. Will delve more into this on a later post, I assure you.
That park which I got mugged in - I don't walk through there anymore, anxiety reasons. That place is the sole reason why I hate people walking behind me in streets. But mind you, it's a great place to work out due to the push-up bars and various exercise fittings. My advice, get swole here, then when you can take on at least 4 people at once, you are deemed worthy to pass this way at night.
Sefton Park - What more can I say? It's a huge fucking park. You'll see plenty of people jogging in spandex, people walking the dog, chillers chillin' on the grass whilst smoking grass... I'm not one for exercise, but it's worth the mention simply due to how huge this bloody park is. Furthermore, this is usually the place where the council or some big marketer will host a fireworks show on Bonfire Night, just be wary of how huge the crowds can get and look out for dog shite.
I definitely missed out a lot of things, and I'm probably going to get flamed to high hell for giving such a skewed guide on Liverpool. Honestly, I love this place, I hold it close to my heart; and I would give anyone a tour if they're daft enough to get roped into one of my adventures. If you were to live in Liverpool, keep this in mind. Explore, chat with others when able, walk off the beaten path around town. You'd be surprised how much is in store in this place, how much can be overlooked over a simple visit. Like I said, this place is a labyrinth and the deeper you explore, the crazier the adventure, the more people you meet and the more tales you will tell about this place.
Also helps if you have a penchant for attracting the insane.
